why cant I

Why can't I take care of myself? Why does it seem to be a such a hard job? Why can't I eat better foods? Why can't I cut down on pop? Why do I have to be up at 4:30 am choking on stomach acid?

I thought I was tough. That I could do anything. So strong. I could take care of myself when pregnant so the baby who is 4y/o could be born without diabetes. I just can't do it for myself. Maybe I don't like myself enough, like I love unconditionally my children. I say hey today is the day. Gonna take of myself nope still haven't. I need to find a way to like myself better so that I never again have to blog from the toilet so early in the day.........