emotional rollercoaster

Well here I am five minutes alone. As much as I complain about not having any time to myself, I realized that is why I want more kids(not really) and or dogs. Don't want to be alone.


Anyways, I am coming off of concerta. My doc suggested to wean myself off and I did what he said but since the med is a narcotic and they won't give me anymore until my hirty days runs out and you can't chew or cut them, we had to get creative. My physical body is doing well. My eyes and my head are not. My eyes or the lids I should are having a tough time staying open. My head feels like someone keeps kickng me. This is day two of no pills. I am suppose to take one tomorrow but the way I feel now, I just want the shit over with. Anyways I am done and I am a bawling baby. Have a great night and long weekend. Thinking of all my friends. Kiss kiss.

at peace

It has been a long time since I have been on here. It is ten pm and I am outside with the dogs and the quiet. 16 year old is sick very sick. She can hardly move. 4 year old is on the couch watching yo gabba gabba. Despite a lot of frustration I am feeling one with God and myself. I find that when I really breathe in nature and just shut up. I feel much closer to God. I have always been that way. I need a church that worships GOD in the evening and very quietly. Then I feel like I understand him and his great majesty. I came out there is a great breeze/slight wind, perfect temp for my long sleeves and pj pants,and just absolutely quiet. All the dogs are even sitting at my feet. It is the most beautiful night. Well I am going to finish enjoying it before my children or dogs have a say. Just wanted to share. Very happy now.